My mother doesn't believe in psychology. How can I help her who doesn't want to see a psychologist?

Hello, questioner.

From what you've told me, it's clear you love and care for your mother, but you also have some issues with your father and brother. We often say that what happens outside reflects what's going on inside. So how can we help your mother in this situation?

1. Appreciating your mother

From what you've said about your mother, I get the impression that you recognize her as a traditional, hardworking woman. It seems like she's put a lot of effort into the family, and you've seen that. You can work on this aspect and have a good talk with her. The image of your mother in your heart shows the efforts you see her make for the family, and you're grateful for her efforts. You have a very good and very competent mother, and you receive a lot of love from her.

2. She starts to make her suffering seem worse than it is and even puts up with unnecessary pain to get attention.

The mother starts to make a habit of exaggerating her suffering, even going so far as to actively endure unnecessary pain in the hope of gaining attention. This shows that she has come to see herself as a victim, and it also demonstrates that her efforts for the family have gone unrecognized by her husband and son. By ignoring them, she has caused herself a great deal of harm. Now she constantly exaggerates and describes the suffering she has endured, hoping to gain recognition from those around her and thus gain the recognition of her closest people. One can imagine what kind of situation the mother is in.

You can help your mother by looking back on her life and asking if she's given her brother the education he needs and shown her father the affection and effort he deserves. Instead of thinking she's done everything perfectly from her own perspective, you can help her understand if she's achieved the results she wants in every situation. Did she learn a lesson from these events and, in some way, fail to meet her brother's needs?

In some ways, this has hurt the father, and he doesn't feel the mother's love. This means the mother has to look inward, stop blaming life, stop complaining about how much she's given, and stop complaining about how much she's suffered for the family without receiving love or understanding.

3. The mother is a strong woman who wants to be in control.

If the mother is a strong woman, then her experiences have made her want to be in control. When her son doesn't follow the path she imagined, it makes her feel insecure. Also, as you mentioned in the next paragraph, "starting life again after a divorce" is understandable, and your parents' relationship has changed, which is a bigger challenge for the mother. Does a strong woman mother expect the best in everything and demand perfection?

It seems that your ideal family has taken a turn due to your son's lack of progress and your husband's betrayal. The hurt is understandable.

Then, you can help your mother see that she wants to control things and help her break free from that. You can't get involved with your father and brother, so focus on yourself and accept their situation. Guide your mother to focus her attention elsewhere, try new things, get involved in community activities, and let her move on from a negative environment and start fresh with new positive values.

4. Accept your mother, embrace her, and love her.

Ultimately, all pain comes back to the self. That means what the mother suffered can't be blamed on the brother and father. So what can you do?

Have a chat with your mother and let her get everything off her chest. Let her cry. Once she's done, tell her that she'll always be your mum and that you love her. Support her as she works through her issues.

You could also take her to some mindfulness meditation classes or some public welfare classes that focus on body and mind. You can do something beneficial in your mother's name to accumulate some good blessings for her, which can quickly help her get out of her difficulties.

I hope this is helpful.

I hope your mother stays healthy and has good relationships with others.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan.

The questioner describes her mother, and based on the description, I think there's a good chance that the questioner's mother may be suffering from bipolar disorder or depression. I'm glad that the questioner has a good understanding of mental illness, and I hope that through psychological healing, she can accept her emotions and face the negative emotions that her mother experiences in life. This is a tough problem for the questioner, and it's not easy to face her mother's current situation.

My mother has some obsessive thoughts and can't be treated with psychological counseling, so I suggest you take her to the psychiatric department of a hospital as soon as possible for a diagnosis and targeted treatment. Follow the doctor's treatment plan. If you have doubts about the diagnosis, you can also go to your local Jingwei Center for treatment. I'll also give you some simple advice on how to get along with your mother at home.

Have a chat with your mother.

Keep an eye out for any manic or depressive symptoms your mother might be exhibiting. Some of the previous manifestations mentioned by the questioner, such as irritability, always blaming things on yourself, and believing that your future life is just like this and there is no possibility of change, are negative beliefs that are torturing her. The questioner needs to tell her mother about his concerns. Pay attention to the fact that she has shown herself to be different in some ways, or has greater mood swings, and tell her directly that she may be suffering from bipolar depression.

Let your mother know you're concerned about her. She may be struggling with postpartum depression. You may not be able to help her on your own, so it's time to seek professional support.

It's important to accept her current state.

I admire the questioner for being able to quickly recognize that her mother may have a manic-depressive disorder and accept her condition. I hope she can continue to do so and also communicate with others so that they understand her mother is currently ill and needs support. Don't blame your mother. In a depressed state, she will often dwell on past issues.

I think what my mother needs right now is someone to support her and care about her. If you could communicate with your mother and point out that she's not well and express your concern, that would be great. Something like, "I've noticed you haven't been getting enough rest lately, and I'm worried you might have bipolar disorder. Let's talk more about it and see if there's anything I can do to help."

"

Avoid things that might make your mother feel worse.

It'd be helpful to find out what things or events trigger your mother's emotions. If you can, try to avoid them or put them away so that she doesn't associate them with negative feelings. It'd also be good to listen to your mother and accept her emotions.

If your mother is crying, give her a warm hug. She might be remembering something sad. In addition to listening, you can also guide her to talk about her emotional changes, whether she has experienced something, and what has caused such changes in her.

Is there anything you can do to help? Give your mother more support. When she can talk things through, her emotions will gradually be released.

Let her know you're always there for her.

Apart from showing your mother support and care, you should also tell her that you'll always be there for her, no matter what, that you'll accept her and support her through this, and ask her to trust you. Ask your mother what help she needs from you. If you can, do things for your mother that you can do yourself. If possible, take your mother out for walks more often and expose her to more nature.

If your mother is feeling down, try to get her out and about more. Being exposed to new things can help to distract her from her negative emotions. You could also ask her more often, "What can I do for you? Can I help you with anything?"

I think the questioner's mother will make a full recovery.

Treating Mental Illness

If certain things are going on, or if the questioner looks at certain measurement scales, it's thought that the mother is suffering from manic depression. If the mother knows that she has a mental illness and needs treatment, the questioner should encourage her to get treatment.

Manic depression, like any illness, can be treated by a professional. Sometimes a psychologist can help the questioner's mother feel better quickly with certain methods. If the mother is willing, go with her to the doctor's appointment and don't miss the chance for her to get better.

If the questioner's mother is still reluctant to try psychotherapy, the questioner can help her achieve some simple effects through food therapy. It's also a good idea to find recordings of similar psychotherapy that target the mother's situation and play them constantly to help her through verbal healing.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. I believe that with a little encouragement, your mother may be open to exploring psychology. How can you best support her if she is reluctant to see a psychologist?

From what I can see of your family situation, it seems that you want your mother to find a way to escape from her suffering, because you feel that her mental state is becoming increasingly unstable. Her strong desire for control has a negative influence on you, turning into constant pressure. She hopes that you will marry and have children as soon as possible to become her spiritual support.

Your mother's current situation is indeed inextricably linked to your family of origin, and you want her to stop living like this. However, your mother has her own views on psychology and is reluctant to seek professional help. I'm trying to answer your questions as best I can.

Your mother has been trying to help you, but she is reluctant to leave her family. One reason is that she is familiar with that environment. She is uncertain in a new environment and is unsure that a new environment will make her feel better. The other reason is that she is more afraid of growing old alone without anyone to keep her company.

Despite the challenges she has faced in her own family, she is eager to see you married and with children as soon as possible. This is because she has a beautiful vision of a family in you, and she wants to help you fulfill your own hopes.

You have a very accurate perception of your mother, and it is clear that you love her very much and want to help her. I believe that it is beneficial for your personal growth that you were able to leave that situation.

I understand that you have mentioned that your mother is experiencing symptoms of bipolar disorder. I sincerely hope that you are able to take her to the psychiatric department for regular check-ups and that she is able to take her medication as prescribed, as this could help to stabilise her mood.

Psychologist Adler has a concept of subject separation, which is who is responsible for the outcome of an event. This is the person's life topic, and it would be best for everyone involved if no one else interfered.

Task separation can be a helpful process for learning to take responsibility for our own lives and choices, and for maturing our egos.

Your mother is suffering because she has always taken on a great deal of responsibility for her family members. She has taken on more than she can handle, and she is struggling to let go. That is why she is exhausted by your brother's behavior. Your mother's strengths are her dedication and commitment to tradition, but she could benefit from learning to love herself, letting go of her fears, and embracing a more positive outlook. She has her own needs to satisfy, and she has paid a great deal for her own needs.

It would be beneficial for you to focus on taking care of yourself. You can show your mother more concern and take her to the doctor if you feel it would be helpful, but it is also important to hold your own boundaries firm and not let your family of origin infringe on them. Your mother is already burdened by bad people and things, and it is not within your power to change her. However, you can make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes and try to live the life you want.

Your mother made her own choices, and she has to bear the consequences herself. You can love her and try to help her as much as you can, but ultimately, the only person who can truly save someone is that person herself. No one else can make choices or make changes for her.

I hope the questioner can find a solution soon. If you would like to communicate with me privately, you can click below to find a coach to interpret and choose a heart exploration to chat with me privately. Best wishes.

From your description, it's clear that your family environment is a mess. You agree with your mother, who is hardworking, capable, and discusses everything. You also think that your father and brother are two selfish men. It seems that in your world, there is a good mother, a bad father, a bad brother, and a powerless self!

As a psychotherapist, I can tell you with confidence that your family environment is not conducive to healthy growth. Your brother is sick and depressed, and he has always blamed his parents for his state. Your brother is attacking his parents, not doing anything, and he is both pitiful and hateful.

Mom is having trouble at work, and she works part-time at Dad's company. Their personalities don't match, and they attack their employees and family. I can assure you that your family is not as bad as you think.

It's clear that the parents' home is falling apart, and that Mom is working at Dad's company, which is embarrassing. Mom's unstable emotions also reflect her damaged narcissism.

Tell me, how do you feel about your father? Is he just a selfish man?

You must ask yourself whether you feel an emotional connection with your father. Is it because you identify too much with your mother, who dislikes your father and thinks he is selfish, that you perceive your father in the same way?

Mom blames her brother's illness on her, so she endures it and suppresses her emotions. Then she attacks others, such as employees and you, demanding that you get married and have children. She loses control, showing her distrust of everyone and of psychology. She projects a lot of her frustration onto you, thinking that you can save the family, and it's making you feel overwhelmed too.

This is your original family. The relationship between your parents is disharmonious, and your brother and you are directly affected by the conflict in the family relationship.

It is important to understand your role in your family of origin. While your parents are primarily responsible for your family, your mother's state is also caused by your father's role avoidance, which has caused her anxiety. Family harmony requires us to buffer and let everyone take on their own role. As the daughter, you must express your thoughts to your mother and father, as well as your brother. Your brother's anger towards his parents can be expressed. For your brother, he is still the role of a brother. You also have to feel the helplessness behind your brother's anger, which is also very sad.

Second, you are the master of your own world. Love yourself first to have a stable work and interpersonal relationships. Then, learn to establish intimate relationships. Your parents' relationship affects your intimate relationships. Be aware of this and seek help from a professional counselor to express your feelings of helplessness and confusion.

Third, family members should have clear boundaries. Mom has a desire for control, so Dad has to escape (what you consider selfishness is actually an endorsement of Mom). This is the pattern of interaction between parents: one chases and the other runs away. If you play your role as a daughter well, love yourself, love Mom, love Dad, and love your brother, then love will flow in the family. You only need to do your best.

You have the ability to succeed. You have the resources to help yourself, including seeking help on this platform when you need it. This is your inner growth. You will gain the strength to love your family, love your family members, and help your mother by learning and doing what you want to do. The world and I love you. You must learn to love yourself. You can do this.

Good day, my name is Du Xi.

I have carefully reviewed your message and understand your concerns about your mother, your disappointment in your brother and father, and your frustration at being unable to assist your mother. I hope that my reply will be of some assistance to you.

1. "My mother is a traditional, hardworking woman. However, she is currently experiencing some difficulties in maintaining her equilibrium."

Firstly, you acknowledge your mother's efforts, but her recent conduct appears somewhat unusual. You are concerned and anxious about this, and wish to assist your mother.

2. "My father and brother are both self-centered individuals. My brother is a reclusive individual with chronic depression who believes that his issues are solely the result of his parents' actions. He often speaks harshly to them and demands significant financial compensation.

"My mother contacted me on several occasions to inquire if there was any hope for the family, as she was experiencing significant fatigue."

Secondly, it is believed that the current state of your mother is primarily caused by your brother. This is due to the negative impact of his words and actions towards their parents, which have resulted in your mother experiencing exhaustion.

I believe that the family environment has a significant impact on your mother. I would like to understand how your father presents himself to your brother and whether he is absent. As your mother's husband, has he fulfilled his responsibilities to protect his wife?

Consider a hypothetical family in which the father figure is absent and does not provide adequate guidance or support to his children or his wife. How would this family function? How would your mother cope with the pain and helplessness caused by her son's actions and her own love for him?

If it cannot be resolved, it will continue to accumulate.

It is also important to consider the role of your mother in creating this situation. How did she raise and educate her son when he was young? This is an issue that affects both the husband and wife, and requires a collaborative approach.

If she, as a mother, does not address her behavior in educating her child and instead gives in and complains, expecting someone else to solve the problem, it is not a viable solution. Therefore, your mother needs to recognize that she needs to confront the issue of educating her child.

It is not productive to dwell on the difficulties her son is experiencing.

3. "It is my hope that my mother will be able to find a way to escape from her suffering. I believe that her mental state is becoming increasingly unstable."

The situation you have described may be indicative of an anxiety disorder.

Anxiety disorders include those with excessive fear and anxiety, fear of a real or imminent response to the present, and anxiety about anticipated future threats.

For example, "She has inexplicably decided that she should suffer the torment of my brother and father for the rest of her life. She is more afraid of losing her loved ones and ending up alone than starting a new life after a divorce." This is a fear of the current state of life, anxiety about the future, and a worry that she will end up alone.

She is unable to consider any other possibilities.

It may also be helpful to gain an understanding of your mother's childhood. What factors may have contributed to her fear of being alone and her preference for enduring torture over being alone? What was her attachment relationship like during her childhood?

Her inner sense of security has never been satisfied, so she is unable to form attachments to your brother and father. The only thing she can control is you, so you have become her primary attachment figure. As you stated, "After her illusions about the family were shattered, her desire for control became stronger, and she pressured me to marry and have children quickly to become her spiritual support." It is important to help your mother understand that the companionship she needs is actually a part of her feelings that were not met when she was a child. After growing up, she has projected that need onto her loved ones or children. The child she was needs companionship, and the current her is a completely independent individual who no longer needs it. She can face this part of herself alone. Only when she realizes this can she truly "grow up" and no longer need others to give her a sense of security.

It is recommended that you try cognitive therapy.

We advise that you try cognitive therapy.

It is not the event itself that causes pain; it is our perception of it. By communicating with your mother in a way that challenges her negative beliefs, you can help her to break down these barriers.

For example, you may wish to pose questions such as, "If you were to get divorced, would you be certain that you would end up living alone?" and "If you were to remain married, would you be sure that you would not end up living alone?"

"If you were to get divorced, would that resolve your son's attitude towards you?" etc. Use questions to challenge her fixed ideas and encourage her to consider what is truly meaningful to her, and therefore to you.

4. "She begins to habitually exaggerate her suffering and even actively endure unnecessary suffering to gain attention."

As you correctly identified, she employs this strategy to garner attention, exploit her victim status to elicit sympathy, and avoid accountability. She also engages in constant self-hypnosis, immersing herself in this victim narrative to attract attention and ensure protection.

5. "She previously demonstrated characteristics of a spirited and strong individual. However, following her tenure at my father's company, she exhibited indications of bipolar disorder and frequently engaged in verbal abuse towards family members and employees."

This is an internal inconsistency. She previously presented herself as spirited, but lacked internal strength. When there is a discrepancy between the inside and the outside, she can only protect herself and pretend to be great in this way.

6. If your mother is unable to secure the assistance of a qualified professional, it is incumbent upon you to provide the necessary support.

First and foremost, it is essential to accept your mother unconditionally and refrain from judging her actions. Dedicate more time to her, actively listen to her concerns, and demonstrate your love and care for her.

Listen attentively without interruption, refrain from offering advice or judgment, and acknowledge her statements with occasional agreement, such as "Oh, really! So that's what happened!"

Is there anything else I can help with? It is important to allow her to talk as much as possible so that she can reduce her negative emotional burden.

Ask questions to prompt reflection and facilitate change in her negative, fixed mindset. Demonstrate alternative possibilities to instill hope and motivation. Assure her of your support and commitment to providing assistance.

It is important to encourage her to take the initiative in facing problems and finding solutions.

It would be beneficial for her to assert herself and communicate her needs and emotions with her husband.

For instance, in the event that my son addresses me in a harsh manner, I hope that my husband will be able to shield me from the situation and educate my son on the appropriate way to interact. With regard to my son, I must also communicate with him on an equal footing and inform him of the assistance he requires.

I recognize that this is a challenging task, and it will require time to complete. The objective is to enable your mother to acknowledge her responsibility for her own avoidance.

I hope the above answers prove helpful. It may appear that your mother requires assistance, but in reality, it is a significant challenge for you. This situation will also facilitate your personal growth. To genuinely assist your mother, you must confront her courageously and dedicate your heart and time to your family. This may be a considerable challenge for you.

I hope you can influence your family and achieve a happier outcome soon.